Afraid of the Dark?

The other day I was coming home from work when I passed a homeless man pan handling on the street corner. It was about 11pm, extremely dark, and of course I hit the red light; meaning that I had to sit there for another 2 minutes, alone, while this man stared at me. Thankfully me attempts to ignore him were successful. That was until the last minute! He actually walked up to my window and knocked on it trying to get my attention. I shook my head no just as the light turned green and I drove away. I know, I know! There will be people reading this thinking, "Couldn't you have helped him? How selfish of you!" But here is my reasoning ...

I am deadly afraid of doing anything in public at night by myself. While I was in college I worked freelance for a sports program that covered High School football games every Friday night. Most of the games were in the mid-state area, but sometimes it was still a good 1-2 hour drive from where I lived. That wouldn't put me back home till midnight in same cases. One of those times I really really really needed to pick up some groceries. I had a long weekend of work and knew if I didn't do it that night I wouldn't have anything to eat till Monday. There was a Walmart directly across the street from my apartment complex, and being a naive college girl, I never thought anything bad could happen that close to my apartment. But it did. After getting my groceries and walking to my car in the parking lot, a man approached me, grabbed my wallet from the shopping cart, and jumped into a nearby get-a-way car. He didn't have a weapon, but it was still a very surreal, scary experience. I had to wait for police to arrive and immediately called my bank. Within 2 hours the thief had already charged $300 to my account. I had a wonderful bank that covered the $300, and closed the account. They also immediately opened a new checking account with the exact amount I should have had so I never went without money that weekend. However, I still had to get a new drivers license, student ID, I even had to put an alert on my credit because my wallet happened to still have my SS card from something I needed it for earlier in the week. I was lucky that they didn't try to steal my identity, but for all I know there is someone walking around with my card still waiting to strike.

Ever since that experience I make it a point not to shop at night, get gas at night, or go to the ATM at night unless I am with another person. Since then, I've also worked in overnight news for almost 3 years. I hear enough reports of robberies, and ATM thefts in the middle of the night to know better now.

So was I willing to roll down my window at 11 o'clock at night for a homeless man I didn't know? Especially with no witnesses around? Hell no! You could even subtract the homeless portion from the story. If it was just a random person on the street, I would still never roll my window down for a stranger in the middle of the night. Unfortunately that's the world we live in now-a-days.

It does remind me of an experience David and I had early on in our relationship. I think it was our 3rd or 4th date. We had met at a bar for a band that was playing. We drove separately, so after the show was over we were standing in the parking lot talking. It was almost midnight. We ended up getting approached by a homeless man asking for cash. It was apparent he had been drinking. David handled the situation very well. Instead of giving cash he told the guy about the Rescue Mission just a couple blocks down the road. He also offered information about "Room in the Inn." No surprise, the guy only wanted cash and could care less about the other options suggested for him. Still, when it was clear the guy wasn't going to go away, David was able to get us out of there. My knight in shining armor!

The "C" Word

For years I've followed a blogger and youtuber by the name of Hayley G. Hoover. She's about 5 years younger then me, and has a HUGE following on the internet. I once read an article about her, written by a fellow youtuber, on how and why Hayley had found "internet fame." The answer was simple ... she was transparent. She let people into her world and didn't hold back. They knew random details about her life and she shared most, if not all, of her experiences growing up. She's grown up with the internet and didn't know life any differently. That same transparent identity can not be put on me ... While my husband and parents probably think I share far too much of my life on the internet I've never had the courage to divulge as much as Hayley does.

(side note: There are some things Hayley hasn't talked about including a very nasty breakup with her equally as "internet famous" boyfriend and musician Mike Lombardo. The breakup involved the FBI and child porn charges. It was pretty big news in the Youtube world -- yet Hayley has never talked about it or answered questions about it.)

There's a portion of David and I's life that I've left quiet when it comes to the internet world. Since November 2012 my mother-in-law has been battling Stage 4 Breast Cancer. It was her second round. The first happening around 2007. I remember this because I knew David back then even though we weren't dating. I told my immediate family and a few select friends, but for the most part I never mentioned it in my youtube videos, blogs, facebook, or twitter. I didn't think it was my news to share. It was my husband's and I didn't want to step on his toes.

That being said, I do feel confident finally sharing the good news. As of a couple weeks ago doctors did another PET scan and say her tumor markers have been gettin smaller -- meaning she's beating it again! Amazing news! And news I'm willing to share with the internet world.